Abusive Relationship

Do you feel daunted and overwhelmed by the prospect?

Some people know early on that they are caught in an abusive relationship. Others only find out after what can seem an astonishingly long time. That's because abusive partners don't announce themselves. Nobody would hitch up with someone who said on the first date "I'm going to make your life hell." Instead they say "We were meant to be together!" And "You are the one I always dreamed of!"

What's more, it seems as if they really mean it. Abusive partners don't generally think of themselves as 'bad' people. When the problems start, the bullying, the manipulation, the controlling and punishing behavior, they always have a plausible justification. The commonest of which is "You made me do it!" It can take you a long, long, long time to realize that you are trapped - like a fly in a spider's web.

Why people need help leaving an abusive relationship

And by that time, your resilience has been eroded. And your self esteem. And any faith you might have had in your own capacities. You may even have completely bought into the idea that it's all your own fault, and that you did make them do it. Hopelessness and despair can overwhelm you.

But there is hope.

An abusive partner regularly reinforces the idea that you can't escape, and that you can't manage without them, because this is what they want you to believe, so they can keep control of you.

However, IT ISN'T TRUE.

You may feel scared, and anxious, and that's completely understandable, but there is a whole world out there, quite outside this hell you are living in, and you can break free and rejoin that world and build a new life for yourself.

What you need is the courage and determination to take the first steps.

Safety first!

Your safety is top priority. Violence is never acceptable and if you have started excusing any violence towards you then your self esteem has really taken a battering. You need to get out, because it's dangerous. There is no excuse in the world for violence, constant nit-picking or verbal bullying.

It's important to have an escape plan, which may mean working out where you are going to live, how you are going to finance yourself and how you will socialize.

If you are in any way physically frightened of your abusive partner, then make sure other people are close by when you finally split - don't be alone with them. And if they are physically abusive make sure you have a safe place to go to if you've been living with them.